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Although mobile casinos offer less games as compared to their desktop counterparts, they provide gaming on the go whether you are away from your home or on vacation. Teen attacked by shark at Southern California beach Teenage boy critically injured in shark attack while skin diving for lobsters at a Southern California beach. Latest Technology Headlines 42s ago. Our number one choice for online poker in is Poker. Theoretical Hold Worksheet A document provided by the manufacturer for all slot machines, which indicates the theoretical percentage that the slot machine should hold based on the amount paid in. Bear, cubs kill an Alaska worker at remote silver mine Authorities say a female bear and her two cubs have mauled and killed a young man working at a remote mine site in southeast Alaska.

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PokerStars is home to the best online poker events. Every year we run the biggest online tournament series in the world. We also host the biggest weekly tournaments, plus thousands more every day of the week. With a game starting every second, PokerStars is the only place to play tournament poker online.

PokerStars is the only place where you can watch and play against Team PokerStars Pro - our group of elite pro players. And now you can join them at the tables with PokerStars. License renewed March 10, Gambling may lead to addiction! Help Responsible Gaming Languages. Although Congress clearly intended regulatory issues to be addressed in Tribal-State compacts , it left a number of key functions in federal hands, including approval authority over compacts, management contracts, and Tribal gaming ordinances.

Congress also vested the Commission with broad authority to issue regulations in furtherance of the purposes of the Act. Many American casinos offer free memberships in "slot clubs", which return a fraction of the amount of money that is bet in the form of comps complimentary food, drinks, hotel rooms, or merchandise , or sometimes as cash or a promise to pay cash at a later date.

These clubs require that players use cards that are inserted into the slot machines, to allow the casinos to track the players' "action" how much each player bets and for how long , which is often used to establish levels of play that may make players eligible for additional comps. These fall under the jurisdiction of the province or territory without reference to the federal government. Thus no two provincial regulatory or operational regimes are the same.

The 10 provinces all have gaming departments and slot machine play is available in venues across all. Part of the revenues go to the local government which in turn gives a percentage to the federal government. Choice of slots available is a province by province negotiation with the local Gaming Department. Individual territories have such small populations that there are no dedicated departments or land based facilities to play.

The history of First Nation's gaming in Canada is short but contentious. Only 12 First Nation casinos exist scattered over five provinces. The Assembly of First Nations view jurisdiction over gaming on First Nation land as part of their constitutional rights protected by section 35 1 of the Constitution Act, However the Supreme Court of Canada has rejected First Nation's claims to a right to conduct gaming activities.

Nevertheless, the First Nation casino's largest revenue driver is from slot machine play and the regulation of these is by agreement with an Indigenous Gaming Regulator, a delegated sub-group of each province Gaming Authority. All provinces have dedicated problem gambling help lines and research, and the territories have health and social service support for individuals with gambling problems.

In Australia "Poker Machines" or "pokies" [39] are officially termed "gaming machines". Australian-style gaming machines frequently use video displays to simulate physical reels, usually five. These machines have additional bonusing and second-screen features such as free games and bonus levels.

They also allow for multiple lines up to or multiple ways up to 3, to be played. Late in , there were , poker machines operating in Australia, which was 2. On multiway games, players play the entire position of each reel instead of fixed lines or patterns. For instance, if a player plays 1 reel on a way game, they receive three symbols in the first reel which pay anywhere in the three positions, while all other reels pay in the centre only, with unused areas darkened.

On the other end of the scale, if the player plays 5 reels, symbols can appear anywhere in the window and will pay as long as there is one in each reel. Most games however still require the symbols appearing left to right, sometimes this even includes scatters.

Other multiway games give you even more ways by using a 4x5 or 5x5 pattern, where there are up to 5 symbols in each reel, allowing for up to 1, and 3, ways to win respectively. These games typically cost more than their way Reel Power counterparts. Recently, IGT has also started to manufacture multiway games.

Gaming machine manufacturer Konami Australia also made an alternative way of gaming by using patterns, where symbols pay adjacent to one another. Most of these games have a hexagonal reel formation, and much like multiway games, any patterns not played are darkened out of use.

On both systems, scatter symbols still pay in the darkened areas just like standard machines where scatters don't have to appear on a payline. The laws regulating the use of gaming machines in Australia are a matter for State governments, and as such they vary between States.

Gaming machines are found in casinos approximately one in each major city as well as pubs and clubs in some states usually sports, social, or RSL clubs. The first Australian state to legalize this style of gambling was New South Wales in when they were made legal in all registered clubs in the state.

There are suggestions that the proliferation of poker machines has led to increased levels of problem gambling ; however, the precise nature of this link is still open to research.

The primary reason for this is that gaming machines have been legal in the state of New South Wales since and over that time the number of machines has grown to 97, at December , including the Australian Capital Territory.

By way of comparison, the US State of Nevada which legalised gaming including slots several decades before NSW, had , slots operating. This new law also banned machines which would automatically play with the button held.

All gaming machines in Victoria have an information screen accessible to the user by pressing the 'i key' button, showing the game rules, paytable, return to player percentage, and the top and bottom five combinations, with the odds shown. These combinations are stated to be played on a minimum bet usually 1 credit per line, with 1 line or reel played , excluding feature wins.

Western Australia only permits the use of particular forms of gaming machine in Burswood casino , and no gaming machines may be used elsewhere. This policy the most restrictive in Australia had a long historical basis, and was reaffirmed by the Royal Commission into Gambling:. It requires no thought, no skill or social contact. The odds are never about winning.

Watching people playing the machines over long periods of time, the impressionistic evidence at least is that they are addictive to many people. Historically poker machines have been banned from Western Australia and we consider that, in the public interest, they should stay banned.

Independent candidate Andrew Wilkie , an anti-pokies campaigner, was elected to the Australian House of Representatives seat of Denison at the federal election. Wilkie was one of four crossbenchers who supported the Gillard Labor government following the hung parliament result. Wilkie immediately began forging ties with Xenophon as soon as it was apparent that he was elected. In Russia, slot clubs appeared quite late, only in Before slot machines were only in the casino and in small shops, but later slot clubs began to grow over the country.

The most popular and numerous clubs were "Vulcan " and "Taj Mahal". After , when a ban on gambling establishments, almost all slot clubs disappeared, and appeared only in a specially authorized gambling zones. The provision of slot machines is covered by the Gambling Act This superseded the Gaming Act Slot machines in the UK are categorised by definitions produced by the Gambling Commission as part of the legislation brought in with the Gambling Act of Casinos built under the provisions of the Act are allowed to house up to twenty machines categories B to D or any number of C or D machines instead.

As defined by the Act, large casinos will have a maximum of one hundred and fifty machines of any combination of machines in categories B to D, within the total limit of one hundred and fifty subject to machine to table ratio of 5: Category A games were defined in preparation for the planned " Super Casinos.

As a result, there are no lawful Category A games in the UK. Category B games are divided into subcategories. However, the differences between B1, B3 and B4 games are mainly the stake and prizes as defined in the above table. FOBTs are mainly found in licensed betting shops , or bookmakers, usually in the form of electronic roulette.

The games are based on a random number generator and thus the probability of getting the jackpot in each game is independent of any other game, and these probabilities are all equal. If a pseudorandom number generator is used instead of one that is truly random, the probabilities are not truly independent, since each pseudorandom number is determined at least in part by the one generated before it.

Category C games are often referred to as fruit machines , one-armed bandits and AWP amusement with prize. Fruit machines are commonly found in pubs , clubs , and arcades. Machines commonly have three reels, but can be found with four or five reels with around sixteen to twenty-four symbols printed around them. The reels are spun each play, and if certain combinations of symbols appear then winnings are paid by the machine, or a subgame is played. These games often have many extra features, trails and subgames with opportunities to win money; usually more than can be won from just the payouts on the reel combinations.

Fruit machines in the UK almost universally have the following features, generally selected at random using a pseudorandom number generator:. It is known for machines to pay out multiple jackpots, one after the other this is known as a streak or rave but each jackpot requires a new game to be played so as not to violate the law about the maximum payout on a single play. Typically this involves the player only pressing the Start button for which a single credit is taken, regardless of whether this causes the reels to spin or not.

Slot machines are a fairly new phenomenon and they can be found mostly in pachinko parlors and the adult sections of amusement arcades , known as game centers.

The machines are regulated with integrated circuits , and have six different levels changing the odds of a Indeed, Japanese slot machines are "beatable". Parlor operators naturally set most machines to simply collect money, but intentionally place a few paying machines on the floor so that there will be at least someone winning, [ citation needed ] encouraging players on the losing machines to keep gambling, using the psychology of the gambler's fallacy.

For example, there must be three reels. All reels must be accompanied by buttons which allow players to manually stop them, reels may not spin faster than 80 RPM, and reels must stop within 0.

In practice, this means that machines cannot let reels slip more than 4 symbols. Other rules include a 15 coin payout cap, a 50 credit cap on machines, a 3 coin maximum bet, and other such regulations. Although a 15 coin payout may seem quite low, regulations allow "Big Bonus" c.

While the machine is in bonus mode, the player is entertained with special winning scenes on the LCD display, and energizing music is heard, payout after payout. On many machines, when enough money to afford a bonus is taken in, the bonus is not immediately awarded. Typically the game merely stops making the reels slip off the bonus symbols for a few games. If the player fails to hit the bonus during these "standby games", it is added to the "stock" for later collection.

Many current games, after finishing a bonus round, set the probability to release additional stock gained from earlier players failing to get a bonus last time the machine stopped making the reels slip for a bit very high for the first few games. As a result, a lucky player may get to play several bonus rounds in a row a "renchan" , making payouts of 5, or even 10, coins possible. The lure of "stock" waiting in the machine, and the possibility of "renchan" tease the gambler to keep feeding the machine.

This is called being a " hyena ". They are easy to recognize, roaming the aisles for a "kamo" " sucker " in English to leave his machine. Many people may be gambling more than they can afford , and the big payouts also lure unsavory "hyena" types into the gambling halls. To address these social issues, a new regulation Version 5. Moreover, all pachisuro machines must be re-evaluated for regulation compliance every three years. Mike Dixon, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Waterloo, Ontario, Canada, [47] studies the relationship between slot players and slot machines.

Slot players were observed experiencing heightened arousal from the sensory stimulus coming from the machines. They "sought to show that these "losses disguised as wins" LDWs would be as arousing as wins, and more arousing than regular losses". Psychologists Robert Breen and Marc Zimmerman [48] [49] found that players of video slot machines reach a debilitating level of involvement with gambling three times as rapidly as those who play traditional casino games, even if they have gambled regularly on other forms of gambling in the past without a problem.

The 60 Minutes report "Slot Machines: The Big Gamble" [50] focused on the link between slot machines and gambling addiction. Skill stop buttons predated the Bally electromechanical slot machines of the s and 70s. They appeared on mechanical slot machines manufactured by Mills Novelty Co.

These machines had modified reel-stop arms, which allowed them to be released from the timing bar, earlier than in a normal play, simply by pressing the buttons on the front of the machine, located between each reel. These enabled the player to stop each reel, allowing a degree of "skill" so as to satisfy the New Jersey gaming laws of the day which required that players were able to control the game in some way.

The original conversion was applied to approximately 50 late model Bally slot machines. Because the typical machine stopped the reels automatically in less than 10 seconds, weights were added to the mechanical timers to prolong the automatic stopping of the reels. By the time the New Jersey Alcoholic Beverages Commission ABC had approved the conversion for use in New Jersey arcades the word was out and every other distributor began adding skill stops.

The machines were a huge hit on the Jersey Shore and the remaining unconverted Bally machines were destroyed as they had become instantly obsolete. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

For the album, see One-Armed Bandit album. For the band, see Slot Machine band. For other uses, see Fruit machine disambiguation.

Retrieved 17 October The Atlantic Monthly Group. State of Indiana , Ind. Deskin , Mo. Archived from the original on Retrieved 10 July Retrieved May 24, Canadian Medical Association Journal. Art of Computer Programming. Seminumerical Algorithms 1st ed. Retrieved 10 December New Jersey Division of Gaming Enforcement. Retrieved 7 February Waterloo Cedar Falls Courier. Retrieved June 23, Archived from the original on 6 October Retrieved 2 October Retrieved 28 November Retrieved 2 November Machine Gambling in Las Vegas.

Website of the Department of Psychology. Journal of Gambling Studies. Retrieved 8 May Gambling mathematics Mathematics of bookmaking Poker probability. Casino game Game of chance Game of skill List of bets. Category Commons Wiktionary WikiProject. Retrieved from " https: Webarchive template wayback links CS1 maint: I'm sorry, but Steve can't come to the phone now, as he's quite tied up.

Sounds of struggle in background, and voice heard through a gag. I tied him up. But leave your name and number, and he'll return your call if he manages to get free. And speaking of things that are not free, we now have this word from our sponsor Uh, hello, Mike and Brian aren't here right now. So at the beep, leave your name, your number, your message, and ten thousand dollars in a brown paper bag. To scare off annoying liberals: Hello, and thank you for calling the Bush in 50 Campaign.

Your five dollar donation to get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will automatically be charged to your phone bill. If you would like to leave a message To the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel" with appropriate music: I just left home baby, I'll be out fer a spell, and if you don't leave a message baby, you can go to BEEP. Don't feel stupid, Its no big fuss, Leave a message, You can reach us.

Well, anyway, I'm here to answer the telephone on behalf of I mean, he can't come to talk to you right now, but if you leave a message after the, umm oh, the uhhhh Whole family crowds around, including screaming babies and noisy pets; to the tune of "Frere Jacques": We're not here now, We're not here now, Don't hang up, Don't hang up, Leave your name and number, Leave your name and number, We'll call back, We'll call back.

With strong east Indian accent: Hello, you have reached the existential hotline of Ransheesh. I am currently meditating, but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send good karma waves and contact you when the stars align properly. You know, it can be really lonely when you're a fashion model. Sometimes I just have to Oh come on Linda, give me the damn phone Ask them to leave a message. Please leave a message as soon as possible and I'll get back to you at the sound of the tone.

We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder If you give me your name and number, I'll I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me. We know how you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills. Hi, This is Dave. Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around. OK, what would you like me to tell me?

You have reached Bob's hotline. Hello, this is Marlin's answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. Hey -- that's a nice phone you have there. Star Trek theme in the background: Room 17, the final frontier. To boldly inform you to wait for the tone. Keep your hands, feet, extremities and obscenities inside the car at all times.

A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future.

This is a boring answering machine message. Leave a message anyway. Useful to keep people from calling at odd hours to hear your latest exciting message. Classical music in background, slow stoned voice: Don't you ever wonder what life would be like? Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home.

Sound of vicious dog barking, stops abruptly. If I die before I wake, Remember to erase the tape. Kemosabe no in teepee now. Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak. After the tone, leave your name and number and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Bwana fella no home now, so you fella leave talkie-talk. Using the forms below, you can post your comments about this page or even your own ideas for creative answering machine messages.

Please don't post anything below that's already posted above. That'd be pretty pointless, don't you think? If you'd prefer to make a general comment about phonelosers. We are out-standing in our field right now. AND the 2nd prize winner gets a call back! You have reached single hot chick's phone. The only way i might call u back is if u have lot's of cash,a nice car,and a will with my name on it. If u don't apply then too bad. Here is the best one: Hello we're not home right now To enter into the contest you must answer the following questions: Your Name, Your Number, and why you called.

The spring has sprung, the grass has ris but no ne knows where stanley is. Hello and thank you for calling the confessinal hotline at the moment father durways out but if you would leave your name number and confession we will get back to you as spiritually possible. Remember to leave all your sins in vivid graphic details for our enjoym I mean so you can help us help you have a blessed day!

Well im not going to tell you my name, since you called me, and im not going to tell u to leave a message and all that, since u should know to do that. Im also not going to say ill call u back, because maybe i wont. So just do what u please. I'm probably in jail again so can you come bail me out before you leave your stupid message you duechbag. Hey can you hold on for a min.?

I can't come to the phone right now because I'm doing something I really enjoy. I like to do it up and down, and I like to do it left to right really slowly. So leave a message, and when I'm done brushing my teeth I'll get back to you. Nice voice oh hello this is john im not in so leave a message and have a great day, bye. Yeah I'm out redboxing some long distant call so leave your message after the hz tone and I'll beige box and third party bill the call when I get back to you.

Oh I knew you were gonna call Na im kidding i cant come to the phone right now so leave your message and i'll get back to you when i feel like it. Hi You have very bad luck because we arent in right now I would also like to inform you that I have wondeful news.. I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to geico Leave a message or don't, its up to you.

Just don't blow up my phone because i didn't answer. If i didn't want to talk to you the first time I won't want to the tenth.

Sorry I can't answer take your call right now. I am laying on the beach, drinking mojitos and getting a rub down by a sexy brazillian boy And if this the Psychic Hotline, you should already know. I'm in the middle of the Arctic Ocean getting frozen, the last thing I want to listen to are a bunch of asseholes who can't hurry the fujck up and leave a message.

Mate you've reached the Taylor's silent number, leave a message you wanker and I'll decide if I should pick up We all be on the poop deck, so leave a message afterrrr the Arrrrr or ye be walkin' the plank. Hey if u are the person that keeps ringing my phone and leaving annoying voice messages then stop! I know you can rap, I know you can spit. But if you think you cant, dont tell me that shit.

I will call you back, Probly later today. And if you can make, your little message rhyme, Ill call you back, In half of the time. But no one is at home. Hello, you have reached the Cedar Hills Retirement Center. We can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a HAHA i got you again!

People keep calling my prayer phone give me a message that will make them STOP calling. Hello I cant hear speak louder hahaha gotch ya leave me a message at the beep. Flagg from Stockholm, Sweden: Absolutely great stuff, Y'all take care now, you heah?

We're not home now but you can just leave a message! Youve reached the psychic line. After the tone I predict u will speak. But if you dont you will Leave me a message and if your lucky i will get back to you! Haven't heard from you in a long time! Hi I'm not here so leave a message cause that's what it's there for!!! Hey there, this is u know , so leave the know what at the u know when..

Talk to ya later. Hi you've reached Jim and Susy Not at the phone. Hi you've reached my phone. You know what, what's the fucking point? You know what to do, uness your fucking stupid. Why am I even recording this?

I could be doing something important. You know what, whoever the hell you are you mght as well hang up because I'm gonna ramble a lot. I may even cry. It's just too much pressure. What the hell am I supposed to say? I mean oh my god. This is just too much. I'm gonna go take a bubble bath. Hi im not here right now, i mean im here now but imrecording so i might not be here later, i mean now but later, like after i record the message, i mean im recording the message now but after its recorded you might call, i mean if your calling now then i already recorded the This site is like not so cool cant you think of something els to take up space on the net for fuck sakes.

NMH so leave my a word and ill c wat i kan do!! Hey wanna find out if we really like talking to you then leave a message and you'll find out if we call you back. Sorry we're not here to lend an ear, so leave a word and you'll be heard. Roses are red, violets are blue,Sugar is sweet, and so are youThe roses have wilted, the violets are dead, The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head,The roses stink, sorta like sheep But leave your name, number, and message after the beep The roses are molding, the violets are rotten And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten.

Hey, If you're a bill collector we sent the money, if you're a telemarketer this call is gonna cost you money, if you're our parents send some moeny, if you're our friends you owe us money, if you are a man you'll supply the money No one is avaliable to take your call, so leave a message, don't make it long, and we'll call you back when you buy a thong!

However if you are one of the many guys that's looking for a PlayGirl job slip in to something comfortable and come on over. Who are u again There's no point in leaving a message since by now I'm probably dead. See Ya in Hell! Hi, you've reached the sucide hotline, please hold on the line and I'll get some one for you!

Similar to one below, but more refined "Hey, this is Dan. Leave your name, phone , address, Social Security , Credit Card , and the expiration date. I'll get back to you if I need anything else. Hello this is my answering machine. I know you're supposed to leave a message, but I really prefer you don't.

I'll just get back to you when I can. The truth is I just don't want to hear it. So I'm going to think about callin you back. I know you're supposed to leave a message, but I prefer you don't. Speak up I cant hear you!!!!? This is an asnwering machine message so leave your message after the tone!!! You're mission, should you choose to accept it, it to leave your name, number, and a brief message after the beep.

This recording will self destruct in And now you talk message, Ya? Ok then, you talk now, ya? Hello, I am not able to come to the phone right now I was just kidding about the hell comment Since I already know who you are and why you've called, at the sound of the beep, you can just hang up. Thank you for calling. Leave me a message and i'll leave you with and abstract thought. Is a penguine a bird or a duck? Were not here at the moment, but you know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it You've got the machine, you know the routine, so leave a message after the beep!

To eliminate spam, please assure us that you are a human by typing what you think that picture to the left is. It starts with a T and ends with a REE. Do I like you? Oh, if I might do that, I will need your phone number to. That makes me feel better. When you are ready to record, press record. Oh, yes, Press record. Is there anybody there?

If not then please keep up with the century!! I know your out there, I can feel you now. I know that your afraid, your afraid of us. Your afraid of change. I dont know the future, I didnt come here to tell you how its going to end.

I came here to tell you how its going to begin. A world without rules and controls, without borders and bounderies. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you. You have reached my answering machine. Then and only then can I get back to you. Simply speak whatever is on your mind after the beep. Thank you for calling…. All of our residents are busy assisting other bill collectors, telemarketers and various unsolicited telephone calls.

Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed…. If you know the extension of the person you would like to speak with, please dial it now. If you wish to access the resident directory, please press 1 now. If you wish to obtain our address so you can send us a check, please press 2 and leave us a message.

If you wish to obtain our address so you can send us a bill, please press 3, do not leave message and hold your breath until someone calls you back. If you wish to borrow money from us, please press 4 and leave a message and we might or might not call you back. If you wish to request free car repairs, computer repairs or moving assistance, please press 5, hang up and try to remember how long it ago it was that you did a favor for us.

If you wish to invite us over for dinner, please press 6 and leave a message with the day, time and menu If you wish to threaten, harass or otherwise cause drama or stress for us, please press 7, hang up and lose our freaking number. If you wish to speak with someone about your life and how depressing it is, please press 8, hang up, call the suicide hotline and remember to not burn your bridges next time. If you wish to help us for a change, please press 9 and leave a message….

If you do not wish to leave a message, please press star to end this call…If you wish to bypass this greeting, please press pound…. Here are a couple that I composed: Well you have to leave a message if you want to talk to me pilgrum. By continuing to hold for the beep, you are agreeing to sign up for a 1 time pledge of In return, you will receive a beautiful Christmas card as a thank you from our family to yours.

After the tone, please leave your name, phone number and a short message. Thank you again for your pledge may your holiday season be Blessed. Hi this is name Answering machine.

If a call make soon that means that i beep!!! My name is Tommy Thumbnail and I leave in this answering machine. I am an answering machine Hold it, Hold it, I hear a car coming up the driveway.. No it is not them must be someone else so leave a msg. I wanna trick my wife withit ;. And since no one was able to make it to the phone in time, we ask that you leave your name, number and a brief message sometime after the beep.

There is no rush. Begin whenever you are ready, and we will return your call when we can get around to it. Oh yeah, almost forgot to beep. Hello this is the u. Please leave a message after the countdown. Due to recent events we are experiencing very heavy call volume.

Please leave a brief description of your symptoms and we will get back to you in the order of urgency. The demonstrably innocent owner of this phone number has been detained and is requesting contributions towards bale. Sympathetic parties are asked to contact authorities in Buena vista, Mexico. Any help is deeply appreciated. Please send only Yen. If you would like to enter your message in our contest with a chance of becoming our 1 message, simply record your message at the beep.

Thanks and Good Luck! Back in the day I left this one: We must be married! Please, leave me your answer after the tone! This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Roses are red, some willows weep, please leave your message, after the beep Roses are red, violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, and so are you The roses have wilted, the violets are dead, The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head The roses stink, sorta like sheep But leave your name, number, and message after the beep The roses are molding, the violets are rotten And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out!

So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, leave a message, and I'll get back to thee. Roses are red booger's are green please leave your message on this stupid machine. Please leave your name and star system and we'll assimilate you as soon as we can. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone" Hello. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP Thank you for calling This is John's answering machine.

He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions. Now you say something. I am David's answering machine. I'm not here, so say goodbye, or leave a message, and I'll reply "Hey guess who this is? Talk to the phone, the face ain't home, please leave a message, after the tone. Go away, leave me alone, please leave a message, after the tone BEEP! Ask not for whom the bell tolls, Being reincarnated as an answering machine is the pits.

This is Mark and Nathan's phone. We're not here right now, but the phone is. Waits again Helloooo - Who is this? Hi, I am not here right now, but if you are a friend, leave a message, if you are a creditor you can kiss my beep Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead.

Thanks Hi, this is Jim. Hi, this is John's answering machine. Hi, you have reached Jerry McGuire. Show me the message! Hi, you know the drill. How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you Where we go from there, is a choice I leave to you I'm sorry, I've been trying to break the record for "the most calls missed" if its a emergency or your dieing or something, please hold on till the record is broken. All I can say is leave me a Just put on a recording of a busy signal.

Who in hell do you want? This answering machine message is for all you psychics out there Leave me a message and tell me what I can do to I mean, do FOR you. Ruth, Sexually Speaking, you're on the air Leave your you-know-what you-know-when. Caller thinks they dialed long distance. With loud music playing in the background "Hello I can't hear you!

I'm David's answering machine. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device.

In a bored voice: This is you-know who. You have reached the number you have dialed. So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, So leave a message, and I'll get back to thee. Oh hey can you hold on for a min? You're on the air!

Oh hey, how are ya? This Website was not helpful! What the hell do u want? You must be this tall to leave a message. Hi I love you! Hey, this is the devil speaking.. March 9, at March 22, at 5: April 20, at 6: May 9, at June 5, at 8: July 7, at 5: September 10, at 9: October 7, at 3: January 11, at 6: February 1, at 2: March 29, at 9: June 19, at 9: June 22, at 8: June 23, at 9: June 23, at November 8, at November 11, at 8: March 28, at 4: July 19, at 4: September 28, at 4: December 27, at 9: May 18, at July 11, at 1: July 22, at July 30, at 1: October 4, at 7: October 25, at 9: November 29, at June 21, at Roy C Johnson says: September 11, at 9: September 25, at November 7, at 8:

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